What it's like to be "the other twin"

In my childhood life, I've always been looked at as the "second twin." Someone who was attached to someone else and not looked at as an individual with her own mind. Because I was younger than my twin and youngest in my family, I was seen as under everyone so I had to listen to everyone and not share what I wanted to say. I was naturally quiet and reserved my whole life. The way I was treated and my natural personality lead me to pretty much keep everything to myself and talk when necessary or not at all. This made people think that I was rude, selfish, aloof, and depressed (I admit I was for a time--I was going through some hard things. What do you expect?). I never really understood a lot of things that I was going through and why they happened the way they did. Was it to teach me a lesson? Did I just happen to have a cursed life? Through all the mishaps and hard struggles I experienced, I knew deep inside someday I was gonna find out who I truly I am. It was just gonna take some time to be revealed to me. I have gone through a lot and a long way. I may have some regrets but it only means I am more aware than I was before.

Back to the twins thing, I was usually always in the background, never really stepping out into the spotlight. I let people do what they do and I just quietly take action in the background. I don't like having attention on me so I purposely turn the conversation to the other person who is talking to me. It's not that I don't like talking about myself. I do, I just am more interested in what other people like. I will talk about myself when I am comfortable around you. So yes, in a way, I may not be as “social,” “outgoing,” or “fun,” but I will care for you and listen to you when you are crying.

People always looked at my sister as the more "pretty," "smart," and "talkative" twin. No one says this but I clearly see it through, and all those things are true. She is the more "outgoing" twin. That's why a lot of people talk to her more and know her more than me. I pretty much keep a low profile and stay in the background. I like to see people shine and help them shine. But that's good for her. She is getting more out there. As for me, I have my own path to follow.

In a way, it may sound a bit weird or contradicting, like 50/50. I'm glad that people know her more. It's a catalyst for me having no spotlight or attention. Because I don't crave for that kind of stuff. Yes, I do feel unnoticed, unheard, and ignored A LOT. It does hurt but I realize that she deserves the attention because she has more of a "likeable" personality. I know that people who would try to get to know me, they wouldn't understand. Heck, even my own family doesn't. I just come to realize that not everyone needs to know everything about my life, and it's not an obligation for me to spill my life story to them. I like to keep my life private and it will stay that way. I don't mind being alone and content with myself. That's when I feel most free, and I love it.

So I guess, in a way, I don't mind being "the other twin." It makes people bother me less, since they don't know me or see me. I can go along my day without people constantly yapping at me. No, I don't hate people. They just annoy me. I just need space to breathe.

On the outside, I may look the same to you, but inside of myself, I know I have changed and become my true self.