Saturday, May 16, 2015

Darnit, Canker Sore

Ugh, I hate this. This canker sore I have right now has been lasting for two weeks. It hurts really bad. It was just two spots on the inside of my lips but now it spread to a triangle. I don't remember canker sores hurting this bad, growing this big, and lasting this long before. In the past when I was younger, I used to have them on either side of my mouth, on my tongue, and they used to just last a few days but now, I've been having them randomly on the inside of my lips and it lasts for some weeks. It makes it hard for me to eat. Having this painful canker sore makes feel like I don't want to do anything. I can't talk or move my lips or it will really hurt. Even having my lips touch makes it hurt. I looked up treatments for canker sores and there's no treatment for it. Most websites just say that it eventually goes away. I try not to think about it because if I do, the more it hurts. But then again, I can't do anything without feeling the pain. Sighs. It just sucks. Sorry, just felt like venting. It hurts really bad that I feel like crying.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Sorry Late

Sorry it's been a year since I've last posted. Life has just been crazy. I'm trying to get my life together and pick up the pieces. Again. I know. I fall so many times before I get up. It's hard. It's gonna be a long time when I finally get to where I want. It's not gonna be easy but it's my life and my journey. My time will come. Even if it takes a long time.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Ugh.

Ugh, I didn't get to tell you this, but I had to go back on facebook a few weeks ago. My sisters keep complaining that they have to add me to groups and how I don't respond to their messages and blahblahblah. So yeah, I HATE FACEBOOK. In case I didn't make that clear to you in my last post. *sigh* I deactivated from fb for certain reasons and now I "have to" reactive for them. WTF. Oh well whatever. I'm not gonna go on much anyway. I set most of my profile visible to "only me." I'll probably go back to see if I can set it on private. We'll see. Toodles!

Monday, February 17, 2014

I really don't care

It's funny when you don't go on a site for a long while, and then people start asking "Where are you? Why did you delete your account?" Ohh, so now you care about me? You didn't when I was on. In this case, I'm talking about Facebook. I deactivated it sometime shortly after my birthday a month ago. I just got really sick of it and didn't find any use for it. I mean I had it for certain reasons, but I just don't want to go on anymore--for now. It's full of egoistic people and who's better than who, supposely "funny" videos, blahblahblah. Just the same boring stuff. My sibling's all like "WHY DID YOU DEACTIVIATE IT?!" Me: "Um..because I don't feel like going on anymore." Them: "Oh..well, it doesn't really matter. You don't really go on much anyway." I'm thinking EXACTLY. So..why do you care? Hm?? Like I said, it's so FUNNY people only care when you're gone, but when you're there, they don't notice you. They don't care so I don't care either. I just don't want any drama. My siblings try to convince me to have an instagram and snapchat. I'm like "NOPE!" They're like "You're so anti-social. You like to block yourself from any social network." I'm like I don't care. I don't want to have it. I don't find any use for it. I'm NEVER going  to have instagram, snapchat, google+, or twitter. I know people say "never say never" but I actually really do mean never.  I already have facebook so of course I can't say never to that, BUT I deactivated it, and I would delete it right off the bat, but I'm not doing so for certain reasons. So deactivating from it keeps me sane.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

*Reminder to Self

No matter what people say, no matter what they think, they can say, think, do, and assume whatever they want about me but what matters the most is that at the end of the day is what I think of myself. I know who I truly am, and I'm not gonna let anyone take that away from me. They don't know the real me. They only see the surface. Only I know the real me.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

I Know My Body Better Than Anybody

I'm so sick of people telling me what to eat, dress, say, think, do, etc. If I am a vegetarian, I will choose what I want to eat. I'm not gonna force food down my throat just to make you feel "comfortable." I KNOW how it's like to be a meat lover because I once was. I'm not being a vegetarian because I want to lose weight or because I am insecure of my body. Can you guys seriously shut the fuck up? I'm so tired of this. It's my body and I know what food to put in it. I know how my body feels. I know that if I overeat, I end up bloating and it's hard for my body to go back to its normal size. I know you guys are worried that I might not be eating enough nutrients, but trust me, I know what I am doing. I am not doing this just because I see other people doing this. I am doing this for my own health and my personal choice. I love my body and that's why I have chosen to give it the food that it deserves in order to feel the best and alive it can. I respect other people's choices and don't try to shove my vegetarianism down their throats. Just like how it's people's choice that they choose to eat meat in part of their eating habits/diet. I don't have a vegetarian agenda to try and convert everyone else to stop eating meat. It's up to people to however they wish to eat. If they feel that eating meat fits best in their diet or meals, then so be it. I am doing what I can to stay at my healthiest and so are they. There's not "one" way to be healthy because everyone has a different body.

About dressing up, I could really care less about fashion and style. All those are just lame marketing and advertising to distract people and pressure them into thinking that girls have to be all "pretty" to be acceptable. Now, I'm not saying that people shouldn't dress up for work or it's wrong to have your own sense of style, that's all good, but seriously, stop shoving your "How to Look and Dress Attractive" or "Wear Make-Up to Look More Beautiful" whatevers into my face. I get it. Just shut the fuck up. I don't care about fashion blahblahblahs. If I don't want to wear a dress, I don't have to. I'm not here to pretty your world up and an object for you pleasure and admire over. I like being simple and dressing simple, and that is good enough for me. Don't get me wrong, I like to take care of myself, dress up, and wear make-up sometimes too. But I just do it A LOT less than others because like again,  I really don't care as much as others do. It's not something I obsess over just to feel "fit in" or whatever. I dress whatever I feel like and so be it. Just because I'm not all "fancy" with my appearance, it doesn't mean that I don't care about myself, I'm insecure, or whatever bullshit you think. I just don't invest in that kind of materialistic lifestyle. It seems like society have made a rule for girls to meet certain beauty standards or they're seen as careless, insecure, and ugly. If a girl doesn't shave her armpits, leg hair, any hair on her body other than her actual head hair, then they are seen as a gross gorilla. Seriously? Shut the fuck up. We're humans. Humans are meant to have hair on their body. Same goes as eyebrows and a lite mustache. Girls aren't supposed to be hairless and smooth skin 24/7 for you so you can shove that up your--yeah. The media has really fucked up your head if you really think that.

Anyway, sorry for the swearing. I guess this is the one of the most fueling rant blog I've written yet. Just had to get this off.

So remember, I know myself better than anyone else, just like how you know yourself better than others know you. I have a mind, heart, soul, and body of my own. Let me be me. I don't try to change you guys. I may not necessarily agree with what you guys think, say, and do, but I respect your choice. It's your life and choice. My body, my choice. As long as I'm not doing any harm to my body--ooh, like you know, smoking, doing drugs, hooka, etc. Now that I'm older, I am going to lay off of the alcohol. I'm not a drinker but I'm going to do my best to stay highly vibrational.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

The Odd One Out

Ok so, I KNOW that compared to me and my siblings, I'm not the brightest and the smartest. Or any good "ests". Well, for one, all my siblings are older than me and know so much more. They're more mature and responsible. They have more experience. Pretty much, they're every "good-darn-thing-in-the-book" that I'm not. Me, on thee other hand, I don't even know what I am. I'm the odd one out. The "abnormal" one who no one seems really get or understand. I'm difficult to deal with and stubborn, I admit. I will never, ever be like my siblings. No where as great as they are. They're great role models. What more can you ask for. They're perfect. How the hell did I ever get born into such a perfect extroverted family? Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like if I wasn't born into the family I have now. Not in a suicidal way but in a curious way. What if I wasn't a twin? What if my twin was twinless? Pft, she's the amazing successful twin and I'm the failure twin. No where near or close to her. *sighs* Sometimes I think to myself. My family would be so much better without me. I mean, they're so high up and I'm deep low in the ground of no where. If that makes any sense. Me being an introvert in an extroverted family really makes me the odd one out.