You know who you are. I know I can't have you. And if seeing you in my dreams is all that I have of you, I am okay with that. I don't know if this is called love but I admire and adore the person you are. I remember the first time we made eye contact with each other and ever since then, it never stopped. It still feels like the first time. I can't tell you how I really feel but here is what I have to say. I like your eyes. I like your smile. I like your laugh. I like the way how you carry yourself. I like the way you walk smoothly into a room. I like how much of a gentleman you are, willing to help anyone. Hearing you laugh makes my heart melt because I don't hear it often. Hearing your voice makes my eyes sparkle. I know I'm not suppose to say this but I like (love) the way you look at me when I pretend to not notice. I know I'm not suppose to [like] it, but I do. I know I'm not suppose to hope because I know it will only hurt me in the end, but I can't help admiring you from a distance. I know I am a nobody compared to you. Who I am to even exist in your presence?
I like it when you smile and when you look at me. I think it's so sweet how kindly you treat me. I may look nonchalant on the outside, but my insides are full of awe. I know we aren't meant to be and that you have someone to love and them to love you back. I don't know how to describe this strange feeling because it feels different from love. But I am happy that you have found your someone to be happy with. I'm not hurt. I know I am not ready. I try my best to not cross lines and respect your space. I never want to ruin a love story. Everyone deserves someone they are meant to be with in thee end. I'm awed when you talk about her. I just think it's so sweet, cute, and lovely. I think you look like prince charming and you found your princess.
I have no idea why you keep looking at me. I hope you don't notice my (sort of) unintentional pretend act. I can read body language easily. I am good at pretending to not notice and make it look real. I know your stares are burning holes through me. I have to act like I don't notice but my insides are screaming. Sometimes my heart skips a beat or I quickly turn away, which makes it more obvious than I wanted it to. I know that you will never know how I feel or hear the words that will never climb up. But I just wanted to let you know that I think you're the perfect guy. I want to look into your eyes and fall deep into them. I want you to hold me like a fairy tale. I want you to touch my face and caress my cheeks. I want you to catch me if I faint or hold me like bridal style. BUT...this is all a dream and that's all it will ever be. That's all you'll ever be to me. Just a dream, literally. It's not reality and that's what I have to face.
This is why I can't stare at your face or eyes too long. Or rather, I avoid your eyes, afraid I won't stop falling into them. The longer I stare, the more I want to keep my eyes there. This is why I quickly turn away or look to the side when I talk to you. Because I can barely stare into your eyes, I can't quite clearly see the color of your eyes but I believe they are green. I first mistaken them to be blue but I tried to focus a little bit more than 1 second and I think they are green. For all I know, you might have hazel eyes. But once again, I'm trying my best to not look into them.
No, I don't want to fall in love. Once again, I don't know what to call this thing. I guess the closest thing you can call it is a crush, but it's different. We know we can't be together but we can't stop staring at each other. It's not really a crush and it's not really love. It's not friendship either. It's just a intense attraction. An odd but alluring one. I guess that's all it'll ever be. It'll remain a mystery as long as it lasts. In thee end, it won't be my eyes you'll be staring into. I do have to say though, that the way you stare at me is not one bit creepy. Nonetheless, it's the curious and sweet kind, and I honestly think it's so cute. I know the difference between a creepy stare and a curious stare and yours is definitely just so sweet. It makes me giddy inside. And I can't help but smile to myself when you're not there (when you leave/walk away). I know I keep repeating myself, but I can't help it. I love the way you stare at me and talk to me. You're just so kind and sweet. I'm all in awe. But I know the truth. I have to turn my face and walk away because it's all just a dream. But I do hope that life is treating you well and you get everything you ever hoped for. You definitely deserve the best. To the boy I can't fall in love with, you are one in a million. Please stay true to who you are.
[considering the fact that I went from "Teardrops On My Guitar" to "Stay Beautiful" says a lot of my acceptance.]
